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Baby Original Spirit

Baby Original Spirit

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Baby Original Spirit

repost..350 AD..tusday 11.48 pm..opinion please?

I want to thank baby's blue for her critique of the original and her encouragement and friendship..

Storm ot time arrived today
winds were strong,who's left will stay
whispers haunt us alone
cries from the darkness,found its home

Bodies broken,days of war
spirits fragmented,down to the core
anguished pained faces remain
questions answers all the same

Rays from the moon filters trees of dark
light a road,stained by bloody carts
our armies heart,fatigued this day
need to reach home, home we'll stay

worn and beaten,men fall to their knees
take me home,hear their pleas
feet blood red,from carrying dead
dropping a comrade what all dread

Men of this army beaten and worn
wishing this moment,they've never been born
calm and silence echo ear to ear
sounds from the dark,what all fear

make it tomorrow,it's what's said
another day,maybe a bed
never will tell,to drink from wars well
all who do,remain in hell

Sorry, it has taken me awhile to get back to this
the inflection on the lines needs addressing as when I read this I still am tripping on a few things
Put it to bed for now and work on something else,

Try a sonnet or a set form, adhering to a set form will help you to grow into the words. I am going to try reading this aloud and let you see what it sounds like to me.. ok?






Baby Original Spirit

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